Twice a day I have to mix a foul powder with some apple and mango juice and neck it as quickly as I can to avoid tasting it. I usually do this with my nose pinched so I can't smell it either. I don't know what I dislike less, the horrible overly sweet smell and taste or the slightly animal smell that I am guessing comes from the famous glandular extracts. I am hoping this will replace the extracts I am not so good at making any more and give my body a break. As if this wasn't bad enough my body has decided that half the time it will start to feel nauseous as soon as the foul mixture hits my stomach. This I should add, is despite a buffer of a full stomach. Yesterday morning I felt pukey for about an hour. No clue why that hasn't happened today but duly thankful all the same. The suggestion is that I do this for three months, or until I get pregnant. Never has there been more desire to hit the biological jackpot.

Recently I have been pulled in to the whole Facebook phenomenon. On the one hand this is a true delight, as I have heard from loads of 'missing' people I am really happy to hear from. The hard thing to take is they all seem to have kids, usually two. I feel like it is a club I am not being allowed to join, which is horrible as that has always been a sure fire way to press my buttons anyway. I am happy for them but still so jealous. The night before last I had a dream that I had blown my chances because I had eaten some bread and smoked a cigarette, things I don't really have any desire to do in real life. Isn't it shocking how loudly your subconscious can knock. I have to remind myself that it isn't my 'fault' and that when we manage this it will be a joy so hard won, I will be changed, just a little, but forever.